The chessplayer’s pre-nup

Marriage ceremony will be enacted contingent upon receipt of this prenuptial agreement  document with appropriate signatures. 

I, being of sound mind, do agree to the following conditions of marriage:

1. I understand that my future spouse’s cute little hobby, although it will later become quite irritating to me and potentially an encumbrance on our marriage, is important and will require sacrifices of time and attention.

2. I further understand that these sacrifices will escalate during certain periods such as the week leading up to an OTB tournament and/or any years in which my future spouse must significantly alter his or her opening repertoire.

3. I acknowledge that blitz and lightning chess on any chess server including but not limited to ICC, FICS, or Playchess does not count as “actual serious chess time” and should not be deducted from my future spouse’s actual serious chess time allotment.

4. I certify that attendance at the US Open does not constitute grounds for divorce – even the nine-day schedule! – and furthermore that Linares and Wijk Aan Zee are viable anniversary destinations.

5. In return for these acknowledgments, it is reasonable for me to expect my future spouse to be present at my children’s births and other events including children’s birthdays; one transportation event per week per child; major holidays other than Easter (Foxwoods), July 4 (World Open) and Labor Day (New England Open); and funerals of direct relatives on either side of the family.

6. I accept that, in the unfortunate event of a divorce, my future ex-spouse wants and deserves more than just his or her beloved clock and set.

_______________________________ [signature]

_______________________________ [third-party attestation]

_______________________________ [date]