Movies 1: Ordinals at the multiplex

The First Wives Club. “Don’t get mad. Get everything.”

The Second Chance.  “Same faith. Same city. Different worlds.”

The Third Man. (No taglines in 1949 I guess.)

The Fourth Protocol. “If the Fourth Protocol is ever breached, there would be no warning, just a nuclear explosion from a bedsitter…The unthinkable has just begun…” (Those pithy Brits. – What’s a bedsitter?)

The Fifth Element. “It Mu5t Be Found.”  (sic.)

The Sixth Sense. “Not every gift is a blessing.”  (Also considered, but rejected for some reason: “Psst, Bruce Willis is dead.”)

The Seventh Sign. “The seals have been broken. The prophecies have begun. Now only one woman can halt the end of our world.” (Insert topical Hillary joke here.)

The Eighth Plane. “Finding God just got dangerous…”

The Ninth Gate. “Every book has a life of its own…”

The Tenth Man. (Did Graham Greene skip Men Four through Nine, or did those books just not get optioned?)

Common themes: Faith, espionage, Bruce and Demi, ellipses.

Michael Hedges

That one’s with Leo Kottke.

And that one showcases Hedges’ Harp Guitar. Hedges often sounds like several people playing at once - in part because he could play one line with his right hand on the ‘harp’ side and another by hammering the guitar strings with his left.

His introduction to the latter song is particularly poignant as Hedges died in one-car crash on an isolated road in 1997, in his early 40s.

Gracious people

With the sixth pick in the NBA draft, the New York Knicks select… Danilo Gallinari of Italy.

Denizens of The Most Self-Important City in the World duly boo, as expected.

Gallinari responds in his interview by calmly saying

“New York is the greatest city in the world”

thereby proving himself ten notches better than what their fans deserve. And better than me as well. Personally, I wish they’d stuck with Isiah Thomas and continued to lose for the rest of my life. (And I say this even though I care not a whit about the NBA. Why is the draft on? Background noise for SEO.)

Update: Okay, then they had to go and cheer for Darrell Arthur after a long wait in the green room. I take it all back. Or some of it.

 

Delicate matters

I won an open chess tournament. Wow. Last time that happened was 1998. (Yup.) Tied with IM Foygel and was fortunate enough to not play him, as he generally hands me my butt.

Capsule of my last round game with Black against John Curdo (who also generally hands me my butt, at least when I have Black):

I’m better! I’m equal! I’m worse! I’m losing! I’m busted! I’m confused! I’m lucky! I’m totally winning! - oops. Draw.

Here’s an early critical position that I believe I botched at a fundamental level. White threatens invasion on the c-file and/or some a4-based ruckus. Black has a huge pawn mass in compensation for a sacrificed piece – but isn’t developed.

This is what I would call positionally delicate. I think the right strategy for Black is to develop in a way that doesn’t allow White to make trouble on the queenside, neutralize the c-file, then set up the pieces to support moving the central pawns forward. Can’t rush the pawn push.

I rushed it. I wanted my king around the center to help prevent c-file problems, but I brought it to d6 and then pushed pawns while my rooks weren’t in position to support that action. White put his rooks on central files and because of my king’s presence, the pawns became targets. 

It reminds me of the Pirc line where White sacs his queen for three minors: 1.e4 d6 2.d4 Nf6 3.Nc3 g6 4.Bc4 Bg7 5.Qe2 Nc6 6.e5 Nxd4 7.exf6 Nxe2 8.fxg7 Rg8 9.Nxe2. If your instinct is to push Black’s center pawns forward and sweep White off the board, you will get blown up. You have to develop very carefully and time those pawn pushes carefully.

I kinda stink at these positions because I am always in a rush.

Anyway, fast-forward. Much time-scrambling so neither player should be held accountable for how we got here or what happens next. :)

Now we’ve arrived at what I’d call a tactically delicate position. White has immobilized the pawns and aims to knock out the base of the chain, with a tricky supporting tactic that allows him to leave that rotten b1 Bishop hanging: 47.g4 fxg4 48.Rxg4 Rc1 49.Rxg7 Rxb1 50.Nd5+! Bxd5 51.Rxf6+ 1-0.  Oh, except 49…Re1+! 50.Kd2 e3+ 51.Kxe1 exf2+ 52.Kxf2 Rxf4+ 0-1. Oh, except 50.Kd4! Rd6+ 51.Ke5! hits d6 and f7, 1-0. Except 51…Rd7 maybe? Wait, 51…d2! 0-1. Oh, except 52.Bc2! 1-0.

If you put it in Fritz, you’ll presumably get one clear winning line, and everything will look so simple. But when you’re sitting at the board trying to figure this stuff out at blitz tempo, and every new idea switches your evaluation from 1-0 to 0-1 and back (which is what I mean by tactically delicate)  it’s crazy time.

Is it any wonder we fought/blundered our way to a draw?

Competitive grocery bagging: a huge letdown

Thought I had stumbled upon the next Rock Paper Scissors – an activity everyone knows with a little-known ferocious competitive subculture. “They put one hand in the bag and use the other hand to flip stuff in,” said my bagger, miming what looked like a torrent, a streak, a rainbow of canned goods flying over the lip of the bag.

So cool, I thought. 

But then I looked on YouTube and from the clips I could find,  it’s actually pretty boring. (Imagine!) No flying groceries. I think this could be taken to a much higher level. Perhaps we’ve only scratched the surface of competitive grocery bagging.

Dear Mr. Crabby Old Chessplayer 1

Dear Mr. Crabby Old Chessplayer,

I am 28 years old and have been playing chess for most of my life. I am rated 1437. I like gambits [attachment deleted: Sack-tacular_BDG.pgn] and I study openings for about an hour a day. Do you have any advice to help me get better?

Thanks,

George in Georgia

George: No. You’re stuck and you’re going to stay stuck like the rest of us. I looked at the first twelve moves of your game and then I had to stop because of reflux. If I can’t convince you that playing tennis will give you a few extra years before your first coronary, at least let go of the BDG already and try playing chess instead. You know, good moves, that kind of stuff. You won’t succeed but you’ll gain a little respect from B-players. For what that’s worth.

- MCOCP

Seasonal affective disorder kicks in today

Can you feel the days constricting inexorably toward winter? Can you? Can you?

Some important noncelebrity endorsements

I have not been paid to tell you:

Spoon (don’t you evah) and Puddle of Mudd (maybe I’m the one who is a schizophrenic psycho, yeah) are getting me through the workweek.

Kung Fu Panda is an absolute howl. Particularly a must-see for Donnie and Chessloser, my fellow bad kungfu movie aficianados. (Donnie – borrow somebody’s kid so you won’t look like a dork.)

I also like Levis, I drive a ‘99 Camry, I will make almost any excuse to eat at Anneka Jan’s in Kittery Maine and I heartily recommend the ancient Jerger analog chess clock (“genau! gerauscharm!”), which you can probably scare up on eBay.

Now if Shaquille and Michael Jordan appeared on television to tell you this, you’d jump right up and head for iTunes and/or the movies and/or Kittery and/or eBay. Even though their endorsements are compensated. THEY WERE PAID TO SAY STUFF TO SELL YOU THE UNDERWEAR OR SNEAKERS OR WHATEVER. Why does this work? What is wrong with you people? It’s ridiculous.