If you drop a cucumber into the vinegar tail-first instead of head-first, you can actually hear it scream. Pickled cucumbers are an atrocity, victims of gratuitous violence, preserved indefinitely in an undead state in which they mindlessly reach out and infect all the other foods on the plate with their necrotic stink.

Mind you, the basic idea is ingenious. Take the summer’s perishable foods and dunk them in acid or salty brine so you can eat them long after their natural lives would have expired. Same idea as squirting lemon juice over your cut apples so they don’t brown. Food preserved with other food. Clever.

The Japanese have shown that some roots pickle quite nicely – daikon radish, for example, or ginger. And Louisiana hot sauce is your basic pickled pepper – cayenne or red, dried, ground up and soaked in vinegar. Tasty.

Somewhere along the line, somebody took this elegant concept, tried it on a cucumber, and apparently thought it was good.

But it isn’t.


5 thoughts on “Pickles

  1. Ahh… but simply discarding the now ruined cucumber and drinking the resulting juice, ice cold, is sublime…

    …and it cures hangovers.

    Don’t believe me? http://www.mtolivepickles.com/Picklemania/PickleJuicePower.html

    An aside:

    It is rumored that the famous “Hoodoo Barbecue”, which was served at the INfamous Rathskeller, a.k.a. “The Rat”, in Kenmore Square, Boston (a classic live music venue, sadly since demolished) used pickle juice as it’s secret ingredient.

    I am proud to say that I was once thrown out of The Rat.


  2. Not sure where to go with all that :) Which list is shorter, bars from which you HAVE or HAVEN’T been tossed?

    There is or was a “the Rat” Rathskeller in Chapel Hill too. When I was there most of the waitstaff had been working there 20+ years. If they’re still there now, service must be very slooooowwwww.

  3. The Rat was the only bar I was tossed out of. When I tell that to people who have been there, the reaction is one of shock and awe.

    (I’m not as much of a beerhound as I make myself out to be. Well, not that often, anyway. I’m old. :) )


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