What I’ve learned from Top Chef

I come home from work and my wife serves dinner. It’s pork tenderloin with brown rice and snap peas.

Me: The pork is nicely done but your flavor profiles are off.

Her: That’s the way I cook it and your palate is weak.

Me: Oh? Well these peas are like Culinary School 101.

Her: It is what it is.

Me: Stand by your dish!

Her: It’s better than your lasagna yesterday, which lacked acid and could have been cleverly done as a ceviche.

Me: Oh yeah? Well you have immunity so you should be taking a back seat.

Her: So take your fat butt and your two teeth back to your double-wide and fry something.

Me: Okay but I’m taking the rice with me. You layered your flavors there and the truffle at the bottom of the dish there was such a luxurious surprise. Whose idea was that?

Her: That was me.

Me: So you win a box of kitchen-size Glad stretchware and a lifetime supply of hot & sour soup from The Lotus Flower in Framingham.


5 thoughts on “What I’ve learned from Top Chef

  1. We do this at home too. My favorite epithets are “It’s like you’re just trying not to lose” and “Why three things? Why not just choose one dish and do it well?”

  2. at least you don’t have to deal with overly aggressive seasoning, or worse, UNDER seasoned dishes…

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