Dear Mr. Crabby Old Chessplayer 3

Hi Mister C! OMG I am so Syched with a capital S [editor: sic] ! I have booked my flight to the Cheesesteak City for next year’s World Open! Just call me Philly Manilly!! My goal is to win AT LEAST $5,000 in my section – I am rated 1776, isn’t that perfect! I have started my training: booking up on a new opening (the ponziani for devastating surprise value! shhhh!), studying my Fred Reinfeld tactics manual and drinking a carrot smoothie every morning.

What else should I do?!

– Chad in Connecticut

My dear, sad little friend Chad:

 Step one – sandbag your sorry butt down to a class C rating.

Step two – buy a very, very small chess computer that fits in your pocket, has good battery life and doesn’t beep.

As you say, OMG. Not only do you have zero chance of winning money, but in fact these giant money monstrosities are the ABSOLUTE WORST THING that has ever happened to American chess. A complete and total disaster that killed local tournaments and drove the cost of the game through the roof. The one day, $7 swiss with nominal prizes – now that’s good times.

But hey, all that aside… good luck and enjoy!


27 thoughts on “Dear Mr. Crabby Old Chessplayer 3

  1. Except of course the US Amateur Team East!

    BTW, I’ve already booked my room. The Hampton Inn, the new hotel adjacent to the Hilton, had $72 AAA rates a few days ago. check it out!

    Can’t wait,

  2. “I fart in your general direcTION!”

    I don’t go for the money… I go for the fun, the comraderie and to watch the little f*ckers cry when thier dreams are crushed by the sandbaggers and cheaters that figured out a way to beat the system …yet again. It’s popcorn time! ” Hey loser, let’s pull up seat and watch this one’s ego get shattered.”

    I point to my promotional video at my website:

  3. Hmmm Your filter seemd to block my last response.

    what about going to the mega tournament for the fun of it?
    I point to my promotional video from my blog:

    I like to watch the crushed dreams. Everyone in the class sections feels its “their year” to win this b*tch. Come round 5 we all settle down and start playing real chess again now that the “stress” of thousands of dollars is off our chest. Let’s just say… i like roller coasters. But i really love this game and like the huge crowds. People watching is at a premium.

  4. Geo – I un-spamified you. Maybe it didn’t like the word ‘fart’?

    USATE isn’t a big money tournament. It’s a big tournament without money, fun as heck.

    Matt – kills me to say it but I think I’m out this year. Greg K. says he’s also unlikely.

  5. It kills me that any Simple Minds 2008 member is anything other than an unqualified yes at this point. Oh well. Get Syched for 2010!

    Btw, a very brief and extremely un-scientific empirical survey of recent World Open results suggest that winners of large class prizes generally fall into one of 3 categories:

    (1) Juniors (probably most common);

    (2) Players who play only in the World Open and perhaps the Chicago Open each year and presumably log substantial study time and ICC hours in between events; and

    (3) Players (typically foreigners) who have played in little more than 20-30 USCF rated games in their lives prior to winning a class prize.

    Noticeably absent from the usual group of winners are pure sandbaggers (people whose ratings have dropped dramatically and/or suddenly from their career highs) and adults who play regularly in various big-money and small-money events during the course of the year. Of course, as George points out, there are other reasons besides winning the big bucks that make events like the World Open appealing.

  6. Wow… potentially no Simple Minds this year???

    The flying pigs are having their snowball fight in hell right about now.

    Shmelov, Esserman, Slater, Phelps… Rating 2161???

  7. Except you actually improved Denys. :)

    Chad epitomizes those of us who are forever stuck at their current rating level and have foolish dreams that the next book, program, video, etc. will make them jump a couple of classes without having to actually *work* at the game for a few hours (or more) a day.

    I’m still hoping…



  8. I would appreciate it, if one of you folks can fill me in. i am not, as most of you know, not in the USCF chess scene, much as i wish otherwise… (work most weekends, its like dieing):

    correct me if i am wrong (i am not trying to joke or be disingenuous, but sincerely not 100% sure), but the idea of this note and why it is wrong as a strategy, is NOT that its not a great idea to enter at the top of your class at strength and well prepared but that SO MANY other persons tend to have the same idea, especially at expert class, class A & B, that such a strategy tends to get canceled out or negated by such a dirth of other persons thinking the exact, very same thing.

    take me, i probably would have to go into the open. i would win a lot, as expected, but notions of winning are fruitless, because there is always somebody else doing the same thing, its like six 1600’s playing in a 1200 section, they all meet in the end anyway?

    i so much wish to go to the world open, but i cannot even make it to the grocery store 3 miles from here. i am serious. my job wears me out.

    love to all you guys, dk

  9. DK – the estimate I’ve heard is that you have to be AT LEAST 200 points stronger than the rating ceiling to have a shot at winning a section.

    Hope you come up for air some time soon :)

  10. Dear Chad,

    If you skip the Worldly Open for a few years and invest the would-be entry fees in gilt-edged government securities, you will have approximately enough money to:

    1) Co-sponsor a USATE team with 3 GMs and a 599-rated five-year-old. You won’t actually get to PLAY because 1776-rated players are poison in trying for the magic 6-0; or

    2) Spend a night with former Governor Eliot Spitzer’s whore. Well, she’s probably retired, but you know, the equivalent.

    I leave it to your obviously stellar judgment to decide which is likely to provide the greatest psychic satisfaction.

    Also, I’ve had a post in mind for a long time about the corrosive effects of money on the enjoyment of chess and the quality of games, and this has inspired me to get it done. Thanks Mr. MCOCP!

  11. Mr. Crabby Old Chessplayer and Mrs. Reassembler in one post! This is awesome; my head is spinning…

    Simple Minds not going would be a travesty. We’d be missing out on good blog stories.

    It’s amazing that Chess Life hasn’t hired MCOCP to answer the letters to the editor. Yet another failure of the corrupt, incompetent USCF.

  12. Damn! We won’t get our rematch against Simple Minds??? I’m crushed, devastated and distraught over the prospect.

    Don’t invest in T-Bills since you’re going to get a negative return on your money. You won’t be able to afford the $10 swiss at the local chess club.

  13. Polly – I saw Ed Epp at the club; he asked if I am going to NJ.

    I said “It’s 50/50”.

    He paused for a second and then said knowingly “Good, see you there.”

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