Judge: Oh, what is it this time?
Other: I object to commuting. It sucks the life out of otherwise cheerful and rational people.
Judge: Did you not choose your job? And did you not choose your home? And as you have selected these endpoints of said commute, there’s really no basis for complaint.
Other: Understood, Your Honor, but the problem isn’t the distance or the locations. It’s the other drivers.
Judge: You expected there would be no other drivers on your commute?
Other: Of course not, but these particular drivers are morons.
Judge: (Sigh.) That’s subjective.
Other: I’d argue it’s not. Slow drivers in the left lane, speed-demons in the right lane, turn signals activated *after* the turn has been initiated, tailgating, sitting motionless at green lights — it’s an endless list of violations of both courtesy and common sense.
Judge: Haven’t I seen you do some of the same things?
Other: Um, only in completely justified circumstances.
Other: No really. I only drive close behind someone if they’re really gumming up traffic.
Judge: You don’t need a judge — given a little rope it seems you can hang yourself quite nicely. Is this all you’ve got?
Other: No sir. I also object to the college education scam.
Other: It’s the money part that’s a scam, sir — they expect you to refinance your house to pay for your kids’ degree.
Other: So you borrow a few hundred thousand dollars to live in your house, and your first 100 payments make no headway on the principle, and then just when you do start to build up some equity the college expects you to refinance at the age of 45 and start all over again. So they tell you that you’re purchasing an asset that’s going to grow in value over time, but it’s actually your debt that grows. That’s not a scam?
Judge: Just out of curiosity, besides commuting, other drivers, and the US monetary system, do you have other objections?
Other: Well in fact –
Judge: Of course you do. Never mind. Overruled.