Help Me Crabby One, You’re My Only Hope:
During long games, I need to snack at the board. So I’ve got a high metabolism! So sue me! My opponents are typically the whiny sort – you know, “You can’t eat here, you’re disrupting my concentration, I’ve got a sensitive stomach, I’ve got a peanut allergy, wah wah wah.”
I’ll bet those people drive you crazy like they drive me crazy. In a four or six hour game, you’ve got to be able to eat, especially if your last round game went long and you didn’t have time between rounds to go eat a sit-down meal somewhere. It should be about who’s the better chessplayer, not who ate a bigger breakfast. Am I right?
– Sam in Saskatchewan
Hi Sam: You’re an idiot.
Here are the top ten Foods You Can’t Eat During a Chess Game.
- Soup (slurp. slurp. slurp.)
- Italian sub with hot peppers
- Any bean burrito
- Any other kind of burrito
- Buffalo chicken wings
- Stinky feet cheese
- Anything with pickles
- Any form of frothy supermochafrappalattachino
- ANYTHING ELSE
You can have water, coffee or soda if you’re able to drink without making noise. If you’re really going to starve, go sit in the corner and gnaw an energy bar for three minutes. Food doesn’t belong at the board.