The chessplayer’s pre-nup

Marriage ceremony will be enacted contingent upon receipt of this prenuptial agreement  document with appropriate signatures. 

I, being of sound mind, do agree to the following conditions of marriage:

1. I understand that my future spouse’s cute little hobby, although it will later become quite irritating to me and potentially an encumbrance on our marriage, is important and will require sacrifices of time and attention.

2. I further understand that these sacrifices will escalate during certain periods such as the week leading up to an OTB tournament and/or any years in which my future spouse must significantly alter his or her opening repertoire.

3. I acknowledge that blitz and lightning chess on any chess server including but not limited to ICC, FICS, or Playchess does not count as “actual serious chess time” and should not be deducted from my future spouse’s actual serious chess time allotment.

4. I certify that attendance at the US Open does not constitute grounds for divorce – even the nine-day schedule! – and furthermore that Linares and Wijk Aan Zee are viable anniversary destinations.

5. In return for these acknowledgments, it is reasonable for me to expect my future spouse to be present at my children’s births and other events including children’s birthdays; one transportation event per week per child; major holidays other than Easter (Foxwoods), July 4 (World Open) and Labor Day (New England Open); and funerals of direct relatives on either side of the family.

6. I accept that, in the unfortunate event of a divorce, my future ex-spouse wants and deserves more than just his or her beloved clock and set.

_______________________________ [signature]

_______________________________ [third-party attestation]

_______________________________ [date]

19 thoughts on “The chessplayer’s pre-nup

  1. Chessloser, Harvey – technically a post-nup then, right? The backdating is a clever try though.

    DK – Cool, though I wonder if world-class GMs confront the same domestic issues :)

    Blunderprone – and the cool USCF tote bag too. Mustn’t let that get pried away from us.

  2. This was absolutely brilliant. Being at an earlier stage of life, I could theoretically try to use it for real.

    If my future fiance does not see the humor in this, that’s a pretty good sign things may not work out.

  3. Cool, Donnie, let us know how this works out in practice :)

    Greg – good, that’s one less thing she can try to take from you! (kidding.)

    DK – thanks for the update :)

  4. Hillo:)

    You should give a new chance.
    Here a text in that area Im spreading a little:

    Tip regarding chess on the internet.
    My english is a bit weak but I want to express thats its natural that ICC loses members, old and most new players join other IT-clubs.
    This short text is about ICC/internet chess club -degeneration. The main reason is “mental”.
    One example is that Its not possible to send critics regarding unsporty behaviour from an “helper” (the helper behaves unsporty during playing)
    without listening to a bunch of admins that get mad or rabid.. They all protect each other even if one of them acts clearly unsporty and they dont take a relevant debate about the problem but lies, spits and censores -like uneducated kids.
    I was one of the first IT-chess players around 1994, also holding my own tourneys in Sweden.
    I have experience enough. The admins of ICC today really destroyed an old nice club and dont fullfill the intentions from the grounder.
    ICC is nowadays more or less a club for demandless kids, abusers, cheaters and half-figures but still GM:s play there cause its free for them.
    The interfaces seem to be unserious spyware that not much help much versus all the cheaters.

    / Hans, Sweden

    (Im an older teacher and one of my WP-blogs is for years mainly about unfairness and criminals in governments etc, fairness and justice is very important for me and I had many successes in the courts here, also alone versus several advocats. As a chessplayer I will spread information about ICC to many blogs and other sites cause I think my special knowledge can be used by many players)

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